The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done
by Kuramastrass
Summary: With the school blood drive approaching fast, Bella decides she wants to give blood. She wants to do something good with her humanity while she still has it. The problem? She's deathly afraid of needles and she insists that Edward come with her!


**This is the second Twilight fanfiction I ever wrote, though it was the first one in recent memory. Sometime soon I'm going to dig up the first one and type it up for your reading (and perhaps mocking) pleasure.**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**I was giving blood about two months ago. Because there was some teacher who was bleeding too slowly (the French teacher, I think), and she had a class she had to get to, all the medics were focused on her. I was waiting for about an hour for the guy to get to me, so I missed the majority of my lunch... which sucked... we're the last lunch period, so there was no food left...**

**But, that hour gave me a lot of time to wonder.**

**And I wondered, what if _Bella_ decided to give blood? Now, that wouldn't be much of a story. So, what if, like most people, she was afraid of needles? (I'm not. I _love_ needles and shots.) Ah, now _there's_ a problem.**

**What would Bella do? She'd ask Edward to come with her.**

**Retarded? Yes. But something Bella would do? Probably also yes.**

**And what would Edward do? Tell her no.**

**But Bella's pretty resourceful at getting her way with Edward...**

**And then this (retarded and stupid but fluffy and cute) story was born.**

**And then I wrote it. And now here it is.**

**This was my first attempt at re-creating Bella's voice, so if you could tell me how I did, that'd be great.**

**The timeline? Post-New Moon, pre-Eclipse.**

**So, enjoy "The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done"! And don't forget to review!**

"Alice, what's the weather going to be like on next Wednesday?"

Alice's eyes clouded over for half a minute, then returned to normal. "Cloudy, windy, forty degrees. Rain later in the afternoon. Why?"

"No reason. Just wondering," I lied. Alice shot me a disbelieving look. But I was just glad for one of the few times that Edward couldn't read my mind.

- -

"What's happening next Wednesday?" Edward asked me after school as I climbed into the passenger seat of his Volvo.

"Nothing."

He chuckled at me. "I can _tell_ when you're lying, Bella. You're a terrible liar."

"It's nothing," I repeated, waiting for him to start the car.

He didn't. We sat in silence.

"Okay, so there _is _something."

He smiled triumphantly, but he didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.

"You heard about the blood drive we're having?" I asked hesitantly.

He frowned, creases appearing on his marble forehead. Whatever he'd been expecting, it hadn't been this. "And what does that have to do with the weather?" he asked after a brief pause, not following me.

"I was wondering if you were going to be in school that day."

"Does it _matter_?" he asked me. "Do you think that I would be in school the day that everyone's having their blood drained in the gym? Even if I _wanted _to torture myself like that–" He stopped, probably worried that I'd have a panic attack at the thought of him being tortured.

I wasn't looking at him. I was looking down at the floor. "I wanted to give blood," I mumbled.

"That's a wonderful idea, Bella." He nodded in approval. "Carlisle would be very happy to hear that. Charlie, too."

"I only have so much time left as a human. This is a chance to do something good with my humanity while I still have it."

He frowned slightly, not liking that thought. He still wanted me to stay human, as pointless as that was. Stupid, even.

I took a deep breath. He already wasn't happy. This wouldn't make it much better.

I dropped the bombshell. "I want you to come with me."

"No." He didn't even think about it.

I turned to face the front and stared down at my feet.

"Bella." He said my name sternly, as sternly as he'd told me _no_. He took my face in both hands, turning me to face him. He made sure that I was looking into his honey-golden eyes before he continued. "You don't _want_ me there. _Trust_ me." His liquid eyes were hard – he was serious.

"I _do_," I protested weakly.

"Why?" It sounded as though he couldn't understand it at all – and he probably couldn't. Most _sane_ people _wouldn't_ want a vampire sitting with them while they gave blood.

I looked down at the floor again as the warmth rushed to my cheeks. I'm sure he could smell it, because he went rigid.

"Bella?" he asked when he dared to breathe again. "What is it?"

I didn't answer. I would've shaken my head, if I could move it.

"Bella, _please_. Tell me what it is."

His tone, soft and concerned, got me to look up. Finally, I mumbled, "I don't like needles."

Edward tried not to smile, and he did a pretty good job – only the very corners of his mouth twitched. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was: _you big baby_.

"So, let me get this straight," he said after a moment, his grip lessening a tiny bit. "You're afraid of _needles_, but _not _of sadistic vampires that want to _kill _you."

It sounded really bad when he put it that way, but it was true. I nodded.

"That isn't normal, you know." He finally get go of my face and sat back in his seat. He started the car. "Perhaps you should have a mental evaluation." I could tell by his tone that he was teasing me. "Carlisle could give you one, if you want."

"I always _knew_ there was something wrong with me," I sighed, playing along.

He smiled. He thought he'd successfully turned the conversation around. But I wasn't done yet; I wouldn't let it be over.

"Please come with me."

"Take Alice. Alice will be more than willing to comfort you. Or Carlisle. Carlisle will also be more than happy to–"

I shook my head, cutting him off. "Not good enough. I want _you_ there."

"_Bella,_" he moaned. "I'm not _strong_ enough for that."

"You're sitting here with me now."

"Sitting with you now and sitting with you next Wednesday are two entirely different things."

"You wouldn't hurt me," I said with complete confidence.

"We don't _know_ that," Edward responded as he pulled into my driveway.

"_I _know it," I argued, frowning at the fact that he'd parked in the cruiser's normal spot.

He chuckled at me again. "Don't worry, Bella, love." He kissed my forehead. "I'll be back. I'm just going home to talk with Carlisle for a minute."

"But I don't–"

"I know that you don't want Carlisle with you," he said. "I just thought that perhaps I would be able to handle it better if he was around."

- -

I grabbed a snack and started the laundry, wondering the entire time whether or not he really meant that. He would probably make me _think _he was going, and then ditch me and leave me with Carlisle at the last possible moment. I wouldn't have put it past him.

Finishing, I came upstairs and plunked down on the couch in front of the TV. I sighed. I knew he only wanted to protect me and that he was worried about my safety. But it still made me feel resentful.

I _wanted_ him there.

I knew it wasn't the smartest idea, and I knew it was asking a lot of him – I hadn't forgotten how much sweeter my blood smelled to him, sweeter than any other scent in the world. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted him there. I wanted him – _needed_ him – there with me. I needed him there in the same irrational way that I loved him.

There was a knock on the door. Since I hadn't hear a car engine turn off, or a door slam, I assumed it was Edward. I got off the couch and opened the door.

"Oh, hi, Alice."

"You're disappointed. You thought I was Edward."

I didn't answer.

"_No reason. Just wondering._ I can't believe I _believed_ you," she continued. "_You_, the worst liar of all time." She walked in the door. "I should have known. No one asks me for the weather for a day more than a _week_ away for _no reason_."

I waited for her to go on, but she just looked at me expectantly. "So... you know why I asked?"

"_Yes!_ And I wanted to tell you, you two have really messed with my vision! You're easier to see, you pretty much have your heart set on this, as long as Edward can go, of course. But he's so... indecisive about the whole thing. Part of him doesn't want to go because he's afraid he's going to hurt you. The other part of him wants to go because he's afraid of hurting your feelings. He's changing his mind so often it's giving me a _headache_!" She groaned and plopped down on the couch where I had been sitting two minutes earlier.

"I don't suppose an aspirin will help, will it?"

"No," Alice sighed. "He needs to make a decision." She was silent for a minute, then she sat up. "And when he _does_ decide to go... not even _I'm_ sure what's going to happen, Bella. Everything goes white. I'm pretty sure it's because _he's_ not sure what he'll do, and he won't until the moment comes, but..."

I didn't really like the way she trailed off. "But... what?"

"He wouldn't admit it to me, but I asked Jasper when Edward left. Not even _Carlisle_ has complete faith in him. They don't think he'll be able to stand the scent of your blood, considering how sweet it smells to him, when it's free of your body. I don't even think _I_ could do that."

"I thought I didn't smell as good to everybody else," I mumbled.

"I've smelled sweeter," she told me; her eyes, dark already, darkened two shades. "But you still smell pretty good."

We were silent for a minute or two, then I asked, "Edward left?"

"Don't worry, he'll be back. He went to hunt. Jasper left after a few minutes, too."

"But, his eyes–"

"When he told Carlisle about the blood drive, everyone started getting thirsty. He decided to hunt before he saw you again."

"So... Carlisle's going to be there?"

Alice nodded, her eyes closed. "He's going to be in charge."

"Oh."

She opened one eye to look at me as I sat down next to her. "You know, _I _could go with you. I'll plug my nose."

"Why doesn't Edward just do that?"

The corners of her mouth twitched upward, into a smile. "Why don't _you_ suggest that to him?" she asked as she got up. "He'll be here in five minutes."

- -

Five minutes passed slowly. It felt a lot more like five hours. I'd turned on the TV but couldn't find anything to watch. Flipping channels, I felt a lot like Charlie when a game wasn't on.

Finally, I heard a knock at the door. Again, no car engine and no door slam. I turned off the TV and got up. And when I opened the door, Edward was there.

"Edward!" I threw my arms around him.

"Hello to you, too," he murmured in his velvet voice, kissing me on the forehead.

I glanced over his shoulder to see his silver Volvo parked in its normal spot. So he was staying, at least for a while. I smiled.

"So, what's for dinner?" he asked me, coming in.

"You don't eat," I said, confused.

"Yes, but your father does. He's going to be here in ten minutes."

I hadn't started dinner. I'd completely forgotten about it. I started to panic. "Oh, God..."

He chuckled. "Don't worry, love. He's bringing something."

"That was mean." I turned and pointed an accusing finger at him.

He didn't answer, distracted by something else. "So, Alice was here?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "She was here for a few minutes, and left before you got here."

"What did she tell you?"

"Just that you're giving her a headache."

He nodded. "And she told you that she doesn't know what will happen if I come with you?"

I nodded.

"And you still want me to come with you."

"Yes."

He sighed, but we were spared from having to say anything else on the subject, because then Charlie's police cruiser pulled in the driveway.

- -

I brought the blood drive up again when Edward snuck into my room later that night, after Charlie was asleep.

"Alice told me to suggest that you plug up your nose."

He smiled. "And have the entire school think that you smell bad? You'd be shunned by the majority of the student body," he teased me.

"Oh, no. How terrible. My cheerleader friends will never talk to me again," I whispered back sarcastically. "Honestly, though, Edward. Carlisle will be there. Alice told me. So I don't see why you're so–"

"Even with Carlisle there, I could still hurt you, Bella. You always seem to forget how fragile you are, even for a human. You're more delicate than the rest of them. And much more precious."

"But Carlisle will–"

"I'd wait until he was across the gym."

"You wouldn't hurt me. You wouldn't."

"You have no way of knowing that."

"Yes, I do. If you wanted to kill me, you would have a long time ago."

"I _have_ wanted to kill you, Bella. Have you _forgotten_ that?" he asked me now. "The first day I saw you, I wanted to kill you. I had imagined a thousand ways to do it, and each of them would have worked."

"Because I'm stupid."

"Because you're human," he corrected me.

"Not for long," I retorted. "Which is why I want to give blood. I won't _have_ it much longer."

"I still don't see why _I _have to be there."

"I _told_ you." I blushed in the darkness, and I knew he could smell it. And probably see it, too, since his eyes were better than mine. "I don't like needles."

"And _I _told _you_, Carlisle would be more than happy to–"

"But I want _you_ there."

"You _don't_ want me there, Bella. _Trust_ me."

"_You_ trust _me_, Edward. I _do_ want you there."

He sighed, but didn't answer right away. When he spoke again, he said, "It's getting late. Sleep. You have school tomorrow."

"No. I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired yet. And besides, I'm not done arguing with you."

He smiled at me. "I haven't heard anything that you didn't say in the car. I think you are."

"But what about..." I stopped, the memory making me go cold.

"Bella? Are you all right?" he asked me, concerned. He pulled my blanket farther over my shoulders. When I didn't answer, he tried again. "What is it?"

"My birthday," I finally managed to choke out. I knew he knew what I was talking about; he had only spent one birthday with me, and it had ended in disaster.

I didn't like thinking of that day, or of the week or two that followed it, or the months that followed that, when we were separated. That was the darkest time in my life.

His eyes hardened. "What about it?" He didn't like thinking about it any more than I did.

"You jumped on me to _protect_ me from Jasper, not to attack me," I answered.

He didn't reply right away, so I thought that maybe I had actually gained some ground.

But then he repeated, "Sleep, Bella, love. You need to rest."

And he didn't give me a chance to argue this time. He started humming my favorite, my lullaby, and within minutes I asleep.

- -

We continued arguing about it. We did nothing else, not even at lunch, when we were with the others. They seemed to enjoy it, Emmett and Jasper especially, though sometimes it bothered me that they found this so amusing.

"You bleed too much already, Bella," Emmett said. "You need to keep that."

Jasper seemed to have faith in Edward, though. "Giving blood is a very noble act. Especially when you're afraid of needles. There are lots of humans able to give who don't."

"They have a bet going, don't they?" I whispered to Edward.

He nodded grimly.

I sighed. It figured.

"You won't have to worry about anything. Carlisle's promised he'll personally take care of you," Jasper continued.

"You still don't want to go with me, do you?" I asked, completely ignoring them.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Edward, please? Pretty please?" I tried again, trying to be extra sweet.

He smiled, and hesitated for a second, before repeating his answer. "No."

- -

It was Tuesday, the day before the blood drive. On the way home from school, Edward asked me if I wanted to get a ride with Carlisle to school in the morning. "He'll be going early, to help set up," he explained. "If you want to help, he can fit you in before school starts, and you can get it over with."

"Stick me when I'm not awake. Right." I rolled my eyes. Like being half-awake made the needles any less frightening. "But, that early in the morning, there won't be as many people around, right? So will you go with me if I go first thing in the morning?"

"No."

I'd heard him tell me _no_ a few too many times in the last few days. "Is that all you can say to me now? One-word answers?" I teased him.

"Absolutely not." He smiled.

"So then is all you say _no_?"

He looked at me for a minute, not quite sure how to answer that one. In the end, he decided to kiss me. When I broke away, gasping for air, he smiled at me triumphantly. And I shut up.

- -

I had one last shot. One last shot at getting him to come with me.

"Edward?" I asked in my sweetest, most innocent voice later that night, after Edward had snuck in through my window. Of course, he had been humming, so I was half-asleep. That helped a lot.

He stopped his humming abruptly, surprised. "Yes, Bella, love?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Of course. You know I'd do anything for you."

"You promise?"

"Of course," he answered again, not sure where this was headed.

I moved my head so I could face him. "Come with me tomorrow."

His face immediately turned hard. "No."

"But you _promised_. _Edward_," I whined.

"That wasn't fair. I already told you no, and you made me promise before you told me what it was."

"But you said you'd do anything for me," I reminded him. Not that he needed reminding, since his memory was better than mine and he'd said it a minute and a half ago.

"Not that. I'm not going to risk hurting you. I couldn't live with myself if I did that."

"Please?" I asked, begging now. "Please? Please, please? Pretty please?" I moved closer. He shut his eyes. I reached for his face. "Edward, please? Please, for me? Please?"

He opened his eyes, and we looked at each other for a moment. "You're impossible," he finally sighed.

"Is that a yes?"

"Go to sleep, love. You need to be well-rested if you're going to donate blood tomorrow."

"Edward. Is that a yes?"

He didn't answer me, only began to hum again. And soon I was asleep.

- -

"See, that wasn't so bad," I said as we walked out of the gym. Amazingly, I hadn't fainted at the sight _or_ the smell of my own blood. I poked at the golden wrap on my arm. I hadn't wanted to complain, but it _was_ a little uncomfortable.

"For _you_, maybe," Edward answered. "That was _terrible_. I can't _believe _I didn't _attack_ you."

"I _told _you you wouldn't."

"Yes. You did." He became silent, and his darkened eyes took on a faraway look.

"Who won?" I asked him.

"Hmm?"

"Who won the bet?" I clarified. "Jasper or Emmett?"

"Jasper."

"What did he win?"

"The loser has to go six months without using their special ability. That disqualified Alice and Rosalie immediately."

"What about you? Did you bet?"

"No." He sounded irritated. "Your life isn't a _game_ to me." We walked to my locker in silence, and then he said, "Maybe you were right. Maybe I _do_ love you too much to ever hurt you."

"I told you so." I opened my locker and reached for my books.

"You heard the doctor. No heavy lifting. I'll take those." He took my books in his arms and then we walked down to his locker. "And I never said you were right. I said _maybe_ you were right."

I sighed. I didn't feel like arguing. It was too early in the morning.

"I still can't believe it. I _must_ love you. That was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done."

I smiled. It wasn't often that we agreed on something. Despite that we both loved each other, in a completely irrational and insane way, and that we would do anything for each other, we always seemed to be arguing.

And as Edward opened his locker, I agreed, "It was for me, too. That was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done."

– Kuramastrass –


End file.
